Looking Forward…

By Barbara Domingue

Now that I’ll be turning 65 in August, I am inundated with all kinds of “senior related” material… Social Security… Medicare…Which Plan? AARP has been bombarding me with information since I turned 55!

I must confess that while I know & physically feel that I’m no longer 40 (or 50), I don’t feel like a “senior”. Although I do embrace that title when it comes to the senior menu in restaurants, senior deals on movie tickets, etc.

My son Nick said in my last blog that he worries about the future…about when my husband & I will no longer be there for him. I confess that Bob & I have not handled the future very well. We told ourselves that if we eat healthy & stay in shape, we’ll be around for a long time. Basically, we’ve been simply putting off dealing with something we didn’t want to think about. We’ve been trying to buy ourselves more time and avoiding talking about what comes next. Who will take care of Bethany (our 39-year-old daughter who is non-speaking & quadriplegic)? Who will understand when Nick gets overwhelmed by a set of instructions and lashes out? Who will step in to support them to be the individuals they want to be?

Love them and care for them the way we do… Understand them the way we do…

My husband Bob has just retired and with that came the unspoken realization that the clock is ticking. While neither of us considers retirement “our last chapter”, it did hit home for us that pages are turning, and this is a “new chapter”. One that calls us to get things in order and prepare. We don’t have an empty nest and probably never will.

Looking forward is at times overwhelming and frightening. Those questions I asked above…the “who will” questions. The answer is no one. We are their parents and we’ve all been through so much together. From Nick’s challenging early years, to the horror of Bethany’s accident. Our youngest son is a nurse and while we want him to be a loving presence in his brother & sister’s lives, we also want him to lead his life and not feel that he is completely and totally responsible for both of them.

It seems we’ve decided to take “baby steps”. We’re fixing things in our home…getting things ready and in good order. Somehow, painting rooms; ripping out rugs; and repairing leaking faucets gives us a sense that we’re achieving something for their future, as we inch our way into the deeper, more difficult areas.

Someone who retired from CAR a few years back told me that she wanted to set things up for her son while she was still able to influence the planning and his future. I thought that very brave of her. I’m hoping I can follow her example.