Does the title of this blog infuriate you and/or make you upset? I’m going to guess, yes.
Several years ago, when my son Jayden was about 3 years old, a woman approached me while I was working. I was wearing some sort of Autism Awareness t-shirt, as I often do. She very nicely asked me if I knew someone with Autism. I told her that my son had ASD and so did my cousin. We spoke for a few minutes after that.
She mentioned to me that she was a retired Special Education teacher and taught a number of children over the years with ASD, but there were far less diagnosed throughout her years of teaching then there were now. We spoke about school services and a parent/guardian/caregivers role in advocating for children like Jayden. She asked me how old my son was. She told me that I seemed to have a lot of knowledge early in my sons diagnosis regarding services and advocacy. I thanked her.
Here is where the conversation took an unexpected turn..she said this, and I quote, “You’re a young mom. Your road will be long and exhausting. There are places you can put your son and be able to visit with him as often or as little as you’d like. Kids with Autism don’t make friends or have meaningful relationships with family and friends. Trust me! I taught these kids for years. It’ll be much easier for you to live your life at your age. You should really consider it!”
After I processed everything this woman had just said to me, I was FURIOUS! I was hurt! I was upset! How dare this woman, that I don’t even know, say such untrue and hurtful things to me? I said quite a few not so nice things to her in return for her “advice.” The conversation ended immediately following my response.
Do I know what my options are as a parent to a child with a disability? Yes, I am very aware! Everyone’s circumstances are different and unique. Each family has to choose what is right for their child and their family.
To me, she was suggesting that I throw in the towel on my newly diagnosed son and look into residential options for him because it would make things easier. Make things easier for who? I hadn’t even had a chance to live in this new world with my beautiful boy! At some point in time, Jayden will be older, and so will I! I may not be able to provide the level of care he needs anymore and I may have to look for other living arrangements for him. When that time comes, I will cross that bridge and make the best choice for him.
The thing that upset me most, besides her complete ignorance, was that this was a person who once taught children like my son. For her to strongly imply, “Kids with Autism don’t make friends or have meaningful relationships with family and friends. Trust me!”, made me so angry!
Jayden enjoys his time alone, doing his own thing but let’s face it, so do you and I! He may not play with toys the same way his cousins and friends do…he plays with them his way. He may not sit down to play a game without guidance but one thing is for sure, this boy LOVES with his whole heart!
The relationships he has with his family and friends are pure! He loves to be around them! He hugs them, kisses them and plays with them, his way! He has formed and maintained many relationships over the years with the people who put themselves in his life, seamlessly. These relationships are not forced. I can only speak on Jayden’s behalf, but I know this holds true with many of you reading this.
Our journey is far from over. Our road has been long and hard. The best days of my life have been spent with my sweet boy and I would not give up a single day of seeing his beautiful smile.
Jayden is a non-verbal child but the smiles and love in these pictures of him with his family & friends, need no words!